ok so I thought everything was getting better.
I have been going to this new doc that put me on proBiotics and other stuff like that, changed my diet and everything. It was working to, but the stress and the pain is still there. Emotionally, I am definiately more in control, suicide thoughts and depression slowly ebbing away....but my parents are still concerned that there could still be a problem with me.

...so I go to the doctor to get some tests done on my blood and stuff. I hope that's as far as the testing goes. =/

I am also super stressed out. Still. About the boy.
I like him way more then is healthy for me, and i dont know if he still likes me back or not or whatever. I dont care what he does now, stays with his girlfriend or breakup...but I just hope that it happens soon whatever he decides, because we tried putting our feelings for each other outside of ourselves and be friends. That didn't work. Obviously something has to change. I have considered many times leaving the school just so that he wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. I know that it would be easier for him and might just be better for me. Move on get over him.
But it's not going to work that way. I cannot force myself out of my school because I already had to make a transition to go there, I can't make another one to go somewhere else. Not going to work.

So the only thing I can do now is stay there at pray. Pray really hard. For him. Because I know he needs it. More then he will ever admit.
He is such a sweet kid. I thank God everyday that I have him in my life, but I know that my depression and suicidal thoughts are probably the worst example he can have of a Christian. I have tried to find strength in God, but for some reason I am not accepting it. I have to continue to give my life over to Him and hope and pray that everything will be ok.
The result of all this in my life is: my grades have taken a dip. Not good.
So now I have my parents all over me to get them back up. I have been trying really hard. Now I just have to find the time to complete everything and then bring my grade up. I have to start concentrating on soccer now, since I am trying to make the team. I think that I have a pretty good shot, going off of how I played last night at the first night of tryouts.
Thank goodness the first night is over.

I have one more competition for Color guard. I have to put up with it for one more week, and then I dont have to do it anymore. I have been putting up with so much....I can't wait for it to be done.
I wish that this pain would go away. Going to school for one day without pain would be absolutely amazing. I just hope that it all happens the way that I want to or the way that God has willed it.
Anyway those are my pathetic woes. I hope that they disappear in the mere future.